Dreams

Dreams are the side effects of Faith. -Joyce Meyer

Around this time last year I was struggling with a lot of deep emotional wounds that I had experienced  through out my life.  These deep rooted wounds felt like I was in a dark tunnel, an oppressive state and I was desperate to get out.

How can this be?

I asked myself this question because I went to church practically all my life. I had and looked up to awesome leaders. While growing up I served in the worship team, I was part of the youth ministry yet some how I lacked that full joy that the word speaks about, I was restless, always uneasy, doubtful, timid, uncertain, unsure, and fearful.
I believed IN God but did not believe his promises over my life let alone his purpose in me.

I wonder how many Christians lived that way. To go to church and come out the same way, with no change, no revelation, no kind of insight of what God  wants and has for them. They come in with emotional wounds and yet refuse to believe that the DR. of all doctors has the cure for his/her scars and I. was. one. of. them. I believed that God perform miracle healings to others but not me.

That is NOT how God wants us to live.

Around April of last year, I learned that Joyce Meyer was coming to Cleveland for several days so I told my husband that I was making plans to go. As the date approached I was overwhelmed with excitement, this is a woman of God that has such a great testimony and I could relate a lot from her story, her testimony impacted me.  As I got ready to load my car, give kisses to my boys and my hubby I felt like something big was going to happen. I did not expect God to start ministering to me the moment I drove off  to Cleveland, he began touching my heart while driving there. So I spoke to God as honest as I can ever be and I just broke down on how I felt, how I was living, my struggles, and how I wanted to be free from them. He just overwhelmed me with his love. One thing I remember telling God was that "this couldn't be it", that there has to be more than how I'm living.  Why is there a lack of full joy in me? When I have everything that I needed and wanted...

I arrived in Cleveland got my self situated and was ready to go the convention however, I was an emotional mess.  The moment the service started I was fighting back tears, God was moving in me in such a deep way that I never had experienced his presence like it before.

 The next day as I was thinking of the service that I attended the other night and what Joyce was preaching about. At that moment I had a vision, it was like God turned on the spiritual TV and showed me his plans for me.  At first for a second, I thought that I was going crazy. However, that was certainly not the case. When the vision that God had shown me sank in, I felt like a fire ignited in my heart and soon after I was on the floor crying my eyes out. Through out the whole convention I was more and more of a wreck with God. He began a deep surgery in my life. I drove to Cleveland sobbing because I felt like I had no purpose and I left sobbing back home at what God has shown me, the plans he has for me.  However, the enemy didn't wait for me to enjoy the moment, he definitely tried to plant a lot of doubt but God just kept on dealing with my condition of the heart, my wounds that I wouldn't let go at first. The abuse, the self hatred, anger, doubts, feeling unloved, loneliness, suicide, feeling unworthy, guilt, shame, grief, feeling invalidated, feeling isolated, sorrow, frustrations, longings, neglects, the fear of rejection, tension, anxiety, helplessness, insecurities, worries, my parents separation- how that affected me.  I didn't know what was the meaning of unconditional love, my parents separation defined how I viewed love, unconditional love. I felt like I had to make up for "my" mistakes in order to be loved. I was operating on how the world views love--- and that's with conditions

God gave me a sneak peek of what could be in my life if I only trust him and fully give my heart, mind and soul to him. He is aligning things in my path that only he can do and make possible. Last night, as I was arranging  my kids clothes and putting them in bins, I had to go the garage and a bag caught my eye. Interestingly enough I found old cassettes in the bag, I picked one out and saw that it was titled 2005 prophesy, some one had recorded what God said to me and my husband and I totally forgot about it. I literally ran to my car, which was the only thing that had a cassette player and in that cassette a man spoke to my life about what God had planned for me. The vision that I received from God last year and God using other individual of what he had in store for me aligned with what this man told me 10 years ago.
The details were crazy spot on, the desire I have,to go to the nations and preach God's word, the desire to reach women that has gone through similar experiences that I have gone through, even this blog, aligned and is aligning with what God had dreamed out for me.
I thank God for his patience, his unconditional love that I am learning about. I thank God for showing who I am in him. I thank God for his kindness and continuing to give me reminders of what he has for me and my family. My heart swells with joy and gratitude at the thought of his plans for me.

You don't have to be emotionally and or physically  healed in order for God to use you, to teach others of him, to spread the gospel, or to know everything in the bible. He  just wants you and I to simply give our hearts to him with no reservations.

So I ask you what is preventing you in getting closer to God? What dreams/plans God has for you? Do you even know?
I encourage you to speak to him, open up to him. To be honest with him, what he wants is a relationship with you. He want us all to have a love encounter with him, to abide in his love (see John 15:9). As you seek him he will reveal more and more of himself to you. He will show you what he has in store for you.....His dreams!


For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Blessings,
M