Healing

Sometimes I wonder how my second little peanut would be like, she would be 6 in June, probably with curly blonde hair and blue eyes and precious as can be.  I can't say that I don't wonder, or think the "what if's". I know she is in heaven and even though she didn't come to the world alive she already made a deep impact in my life. Would I do it all over again? I cant say that I would. I want to hold that little girl and see the woman she would have become. But I know that in her short existence she left a seed in my heart to for ever cherish. To hear her heart beat, captivated me. She had already changed me profoundly, I saw the world differently. However, the impact she has made was for a greater purpose. Did I understand that at first? No. Did I blame God? No but I did ask the why's. Her name would have been Sofia which means Wise. My husband and I  gave her that name before we knew she wasn't meant to live long.  In her death I conceived a new and deeper love for others in pain and hardship. I felt more compassionate. Isaiah 66:9  In the same way, I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born.However at the same time when I heard of someone loosing a baby, I would clam up and shut down. I cried silently as I knew what that mother was going through, I would think of my own loss.  I knew that by holding  tight to that pain I wasn't being the help and the encouragement to the women that needed help. Isaiah 58:9 Than you shall call and the Lord will answer, you shall cry and he will say, here I am.God in his merciful, gentle and  patient ways has been healing my heart and for a while I didn't want to acknowledge that I needed a heart healing in this area...Psalm 91:4 He will cover you with his feathers and under his wings you will find refuge.
 Now, as I am letting go of pains that marked my life I am boldly sharing what God wants me to share.Sofia's brief life will be honored, because of her I can understand a mother's loss,because of her I learned that you can impact some one's life even if its for a brief encounter, because of her I know that we are not alone when we face hardship and struggles. She was truly wise.  I thank God for turning my pain into joy, I thank him because what was a dark time in my life he turned it around and is using that experience  to help others. I thank him because he comforted me and through time he has been giving me peace. Romans 8:18 says: We have sufferings now, but these are nothing compared to the great glory that will be given to us.It's time for me to take steps of faith on what I'm called to do, to help others, to let them know that pain is not prejudice and that they are not alone. As I spoke to my leaders about my testimony one shared to me that in the future I should open a center for women. A place where women can be healed spiritually, this person even gave it a name...funny, it stuck with me...that persons vision of me doing this impacted me, only because it was aligned with what God was trying to tell me all along. Is it possible? not by my doing, only God can open doors and allow this to happen, can I see it? Yes,its very possible-- I  can see this happening. Am I afraid? You bet I am! I'm speaking about the future here. ..However, I acknowledge the season I'm in.... so I will let the Lord do what he has to do within me in order to get to the next level, is it painful? yes but any surgery with out anesthetics is painful but it comes with divine healing. Question for you. If you desire to go to the next level are you willing to let God work and perform surgery in whats preventing you to get there? so I'm sharing this because 1. I am obeying 2. Cause I know this is for some one that needs encouragement whether there is a "like" or not and 3. Because there is a desire placed in my heart.

Isaiah 41:13 For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right handand says to you, Do not fear;I will help you.

Blessings

M